Say the Thing

I first noticed the value of "saying the thing" as a kid. My parents and grand parents spoke in a sort of language that seemed boring. But things always worked, we always knew what to do, and when to do it. There didn't seem to be a lot of fighting between family. At least not compared to the stories i've heard.

In my 20's I worked on a variety of construction and mining jobs all over the northern parts of Canada. Saying the thing is a prerequisite in these parts of the world. They are rough, high risk, high stress environments. The type of men that work here are a particular type of hard nose no bullshit dudes. 100's of them working together is only possible with clear and direct communication. There's no room for fluff. If communication breaks down, bad things tend to happen.

In the cubicle farms and tech offices of the 2010's something happened to Canadian culture. It was the polar opposite of construction and mine sites. People started to use more fancy words, they even invented new words. Another change was the rise of the meeting. People started calling meetings for everything, but never saying the thing. How many "meeting minutes" were never read. We added processes and mid level management which made saying the thing even harder. Everyone will notice these types of cultures where saying the thing, isn't a thing.

Up until the 2010's people talked in a plain and blunt way. They were direct and serious. They acted with intention and determination. Today we call this kind of talk old school, harsh, or even aggressive. It's deemed inappropriate or insensitive. The truth is all those words are accurate descriptions of the way we spoke. The thing is, when it comes to communicating hard things, they are good qualities to have.

Watch a couple married for 40+ years. They always speak with a certain ease and use very few words. The fact that they use few words isn't that they are not happy, it's that they have become expert communicators. They say the thing with clear intention, compassion, and love. They say the thing in a small amount of words. They are experts at saying the things the mean to each other. It makes living together easier for them. That's how they've been together for so long. By always saying the thing to each other, it makes solving problems, and loving easier.

When you work inside a business that has a culture of "saying the thing" you start to notice things. You notice that they get things done a lot faster. They have less meetings. The meetings they have run like the army. The non-obvious benefit that often happens, is creative blooms. The most creative organizations need to say the thing. Without it, people won't get inspired to be creative. You notice that people get along a lot better when things are clear. And you notice a business that has a higher quality product or service. Every management science, mba text book, or leadership class will teach communication. It's kind of shocking none of them teach a class on how to say the thing.

You can say the thing you mean in many forms. Selecting which one to use takes good judgement. Try and use in person first, phone second, then direct message, then to many, and public last. The nature of the thing you are saying matters when deciding how to say it. Figuring out what to say first, then how to say it. It requires lots of practice, and years of experience, and even then you won't always say the thing.

When you are certain of what you want to say, you should: